Ghosts of Christmas Past
by pandorabox82
Summary: Beverly muses on the odd relationship she's found herself in with Lwaxana Troi.


She had never expected to fall for one as brash, as loud, as Lwaxana Troi. She had always assumed that she would end up with Jean Luc, in the end, since they made sense as a couple. They were evenly matched in temperament and experience and everything else that made sense in a relationship. And then, that blasted woman had gone and walked down the aisle to her (non)wedding naked as the day she was born, and she had felt something shift within her. It had been an odd sensation, to realise that perhaps the notion she had always had of Ambassador Troi was a bit prejudiced.

The war had separated them, for a time, and she had ended up in a relationship with Jean Luc, simply because it had been easy and she had always loved him, platonically and erotically. But things hadn't felt right between them, as if they were together at the wrong time, and so she had broken things off before they hurt each other even more, and caused irreparable damage to a relationship that she didn't want to let go of. Which was how she had ended up on Betazed, looking to commiserate with someone else who could understand her complicated feelings towards Jean Luc Picard.

"I couldn't decide which you would like more, Beverly, white or coloured lights on our Christmas tree." Looking up from the book on her lap, she tried to focus in on her lover, giving her a small smile as she shook her head to clear away the cobwebs of thought. "Jean Luc still on your mind, I take it?"

"You're the Betazoid, you tell me," she teased as she looked at the strands of lights in Lwaxana's hands. "And where did you find those? I can only vaguely recall seeing them in pictures from my great great grandmother's Christmas celebrations."

A whimsical smile danced around Lwaxana's lips as she shrugged her shoulders. "They're not truly vintage, since I don't want to burn down my childhood home. But I did feed the pattern for them into the replicator, and this is what the computer came up with. Does it look at least a little familiar to you?"

Beverly nodded slowly as she patted the seat next to her. Lwaxana drifted over to her side and took a seat, letting her head come to rest on Beverly's chest. Reaching out, she fingered the lights that were still in Lwaxana's hands and made a quick decision. "Let's go with the multicolored string of lights. These remind me more of you, anyway. And I think they were my grandmother's favourite, too, since we always had these on our trees."

"Would you tell me more about your Christmas traditions? Ian's family had moved beyond them by the time he was born, and I couldn't ever seem to learn more about them from him. So, you're all I have, I guess."

There was something a little forlorn in Lwaxana's voice, and Beverly let out a low breath as she touched her lover's wig. "May I take this off?"

"I suppose," she said hurriedly, as if she would change her mind if she thought about it for too long. Beverly carefully set the ornate wig on the coffee table in front of them, next to the strands of lights, and then gently pushed Lwaxana's head down into her lap so that she could more easily run her fingers through the short natural hair that was hidden away. "I do love when you do that."

"Which is why I do it." Their eyes met, and Beverly felt herself tearing up a little as she continued to gaze at her lover. Lwaxana blew her a soft kiss and she smiled as she blinked back her tears. "So, Christmas traditions. What one would you like to hear about first?"

"Your favorite one."

"What if I don't have a favorite?"

"There is always a favorite, darling," she purred in return before snaking one hand up and hooking it around Beverly's neck as she yawned lazily. "And if you don't hurry with your tradition, I'll make you string up the lights all by yourself."

"I hardly think that's fair." Lwaxana tapped her fingers against Beverly's neck, causing her to shiver a little, and then she nodded. "Fine. If I had to just go with the first one that pops to mind, I'd have to say it was always finding Santa's boots on the hearth of the fireplace Christmas morning. There was always a dusting of snow that made tracks through the house, detailing his path to leave us our gifts. I always had the niggling suspicion that Santa wasn't real, but never spoiled it for my littler cousins."

Lwaxana gave her a tender smile as she nodded, pulling on Beverly's neck so as to bring her in close for a lingering kiss. It was awkward to sit like that for long, though, so she regretfully pulled away to sit back up and return to running her fingers through Lwaxana's hair. "You always were a nurturer. That's how I knew my Little One was safe with you. Not that Doctor Pulaski wouldn't have looked after her just as well, but you were a mother. And I was selfish. I've always been a bit selfish."

"Hush," Beverly murmured as she traced her fingers along Lwaxana's cheekbone to cover her lover's lips, urging her to be quiet in the nicest way she knew. "You had a heavy mantle to wear, being the Daughter of the Fifth House, and an Ambassador, and all that that entails." Lwaxana kissed her fingers before she nodded and Beverly dragged her hand down Lwaxana's chest to rest on her stomach, her fingers drawing absent patterns as they sighed in unison.

"Little Ian saw some vids of people sledding. There might be enough snow in the far north of Betazed where we could do that. All I would need to do is arrange a hover car for us tomorrow, and then, when he's tired out, we could come back and decorate the tree and cookies, and wrap presents."

Beverly chuckled as she nodded. "You are certainly going overboard with this, Lwaxana!"

"We might only have this one Christmas together. I have to make the most of it while you're here." Lwaxana squirmed a little before sitting up and maneuvering herself into Beverly's lap, wrapping her arms around her neck as she leaned in close and rested her forehead against Beverly's as she started to let their breaths sync up. "I always knew that this wasn't a forever relationship, that you would go back to Jean Luc, and do all those delicious things you think about when we make love sometimes."

"I only think of you, in the crucial moments," she blustered, hoping she wasn't blushing too much. "I know that it wouldn't be fair to try and keep comparing you to him, when there are very obvious differences."

"Like these," Lwaxana teased as she brought Beverly's hands up to cup her breasts, and she nodded as she leaned in and kissed her passionately. "I tease, because it helps me keep our relationship in a nice little box. If I fall too deeply for you, it will hurt more when you go back to him, when you finally know that it is the right time to be his. I already had the great love of my life, so while I love you, I know that you'll return to the great love of your life."

Beverly cocked her head to one side, letting out a sad breath of air as Lwaxana closed the distance between them and kissed her again, her long fingers digging into Beverly's hair as she deepened the kiss. "But I still want this to be our time, Lwaxana. No ghosts of the past between us. You've given that to me, at the very least, I can do that for you."

Lwaxana nodded as she slipped off Beverly's lap and held out her hand expectantly. "I've never felt like you've brought a ghost into our bed or our life here. You've always had my heart front and center in this place."

Beverly took hold of her hand and let Lwaxana pull her to her feet. She was not expecting to be pulled into a tight hug, though, but she accepted it gratefully, breathing in the heady perfume that Lwaxana always wore, centering herself once more. "All right, let's put the lights on the tree, Lwaxana." Reaching down, she grabbed the colorful lights and wrapped them around her lover's shoulders before kissing her cheek softly.

"And then, we head upstairs and love on each other."

"Yes," she whispered a little as Lwaxana grabbed the white lights and wrapped them around Beverly's shoulders. "I do love you, in my own fashion."

"And that is the only way I would take you." They shared a warm smile before linking hands and heading out to the living room where the tree had been set up. And in that moment, it seemed as if all the ghosts from her past had been silenced, replaced with the warm glow of Lwaxana's presence.


End file.
